The discussion about gay marriage has been a long time coming. This summer has raised it to new levels and the Supreme Court decision in Obergfell v. Hodges was a shifting point for so many. Since then we have seen increased polarization of the discussion of the topic in several circles. I’ve seen people I love and respect hold their heads high despite incredibly horrible things being said to and about them — sometimes very personally on their Facebook pages, etc.
I’ve tried to always be sure my family and friends know where I stand but sometimes you have to wonder if that perspective needs to be more public. Recently, I realized I hadn’t put it out here publicly. While I wonder why, I also wonder why I may need to s o I’m thinking it through as I write.
In the last couple of years, I have had the opportunity to celebrate the marriages of several friends and family members who never thought these days would come. These celebrations have been incredibly joyful, all about love and yet, many were unable to celebrate marriage in their hometowns.
I can’t help but think the fervor over what one court clerk is or is not doing, what she is saying and has overshadowed the truth that so many of my friends and family see. The memes created by that sort of vitriol… that’s not what I think should be the lasting images associated with gay marriage.
Our family and my network of friends have included gay spouses for years. As we plan family reunions, holidays or anniversary parties, we touch base with those we love about their plans too and whether we will see each other. When we have a birth or graduation, we all celebrate together and when we mourn the passing of a dear soul, we cry together.
We spend long weekends together working in nature, bringing a way to honor friends who left us too young. We laugh and sing together and we make long road trips and take flights to find our ways to each other for visits.
There are long conversations about concerts to see, must see places in the world. We talk about things that are critical to our very beings and we share silly moments.
We didn’t need a seal on a piece of paper and yet, the fight for that right has been critical and something I in no way want to make light of because legality of the partnerships and commitments is different and that legality is a critical piece of equity. Someday my nieces & nephews will look at us like we are crazy when they hear gay couples haven’t always been considered equal under the law.
My cousin and the man he has loved for 25 years have finally been able to have that relationship recognized by law. I understand that some people have religious beliefs that make them unable to recognize the love these folks have, but he’s been family just like the spouses of some of my friends.
While lots of us didn’t need the law to make their marriage real for decades, I couldn’t help but feel like it somehow made a difference once they were able to get married as they wanted. They had a chance to have family and friends celebrate their love, they had a chance to make a commitment to each other that fits the standard in our culture.
I think their hands folded, one over the other, at that celebration…. that is a meme that should spread. That sort of love that lasts 25 years despite all the pontificating from others…. that love that has already survived sickness and health for so long…. that has seen such incredible reason to celebrate for family and mourned incredible loss… that needs to be celebrated. And for that reason, I guess maybe that’s why I wrote this post.
Nice blog, Janice. I agree. Two people in a loving relationship should be seen as a good thing. In America, everyone has equal rights under the Constitutiion. Someone’s beliefs doesn’t give them the right to take that from others.
Sometimes folks seem to miss the differences in rights & beliefs.
Your comment applies to many topics, rights vs beliefs. Thank you !
Bravo Janice, a beautifully written piece. 🙂
Thank you so much! I think the photo led me on the right path!
I adore celebrating true love, especially that which no one may put asunder.
Finally getting married after 25 years… I can’t imagine what they have yet to face LOL
You are sooo brave! Everything about this post is so beautiful! I am Catholic and have close family that is gay and in my eyes the only thing they have brought to this world and our family is more love. I am so glad more and more people are accepting these changes and not denying love. 🙂 it is my hope that one day we will see gays and man and wife marriages both occur in parishes across our nation 🙂
Thanks for the kind words Alicia… don’t think of it as brave, just know myself well…. maybe that looks like bravery to others at times. But it also looks like age to me LOL!
I love this post for the fact that too many people choose to bury their head in the sand while basic rights of others are denied. Everyone deserves to love and be loved while also marrying who they choose. This is not to say everyone has to agree but giving others the respect to live their own lives.
Thanks girl. I’m glad I finally got my head to the point where I knew what I wanted to say. The photo from my cousins helped… it is just so perfect!
Love is love. I don’t know how many times I have said this but it is so true. Your cousin’s love story rings true for so many couples. I have been thankful to be part of such celebrations and like you, I look forward to the day where my sons can’t fathom that it took so long and more importantly why it did.
Love it, Janice. I also think of the day that Price and Harry will look at me like I’m crazy when they hear gay couples haven’t always been considered equal under the law. I hope we make even greater strides in all aspects of equality by that time.
Good point! Your guys will hopefully see people as people more than some of the folks we deal with today. 🙂
Great post! I have two gay uncles, one on each side of my family and I have grown up knowing they are gay so it was just normal for me. I can’t imagine anyone treating them poorly because of that but I’m sure they’ve had their share of negative experiences. We all need to live life happily and love each other!
I think generationally, there will be a whole lot of looking at folks like “what do you mean?” I am thrilled that day will come!
Hi Janice. Did you live in Saratoga, California? And did you go to Argonaut School for 6th Grade, 1962-1963? If so, I was in your class with Mr Smith. How many “Janice Person s” can there be? My name is Morgan MacDonell White. I live in Jacksonville Florida. I was looking up almond trees and found your blogs?
Well, I guess there is more than one! LOL! I haven’t ever lived on the West Coast, don’t think I’ve ever been to Saratoga but I have visited almond farms in Rippon. Hope you found the almond info you were looking for, sorry I can’t help you with the former classmate.